A FRIEND is buying guinea pigs for her negligent children. I couldn’t hide my horror when she told me her “exciting” news.

Some years ago I bought a couple of “cavies” for my daughter, thinking they would make good pets. How wrong I was.

In my opinion, these feral rodents come top of any worst pet chart.

One: they die all the time.Why? Because they are fragile. They are faddy eaters and need a constant supply of hay, vegetables, and vitamin C or their complex digestive systems will stop working.

Two: they hate temperature change. Anything warmer than 80 degrees and they can boil to death; anything colder than five degrees and they will freeze.

Three: their airways are sensitive. Strong aromas can irritate their lungs, causing some weird form of guinea pig asthma.

Four: they get mange mites. Your fluffy pet will become bald and scabby overnight and become prone to seizures.

Five: their teeth are another hazard – if they get too long, they can grow together and the guinea pig will starve to death.

Six: guinea pigs get stressed. Loud noises and other animals scare them.

Ignoring all of the above, I bought my daughter Florence two guinea pigs, Ginger and Snowy, from a farmer in the Forest.

Florence fell in love with an albino guinea pig, which clearly had special needs. The farmer, who was delighted he was getting rid of the albino, thrust it into Flo’s hands and her gummy smile said it all. I didn’t have the will to battle with them both.Ginger and Snowy came home.

Some months later Snowy started struggling for breath.

Snowy ended up in intensive care. Three days later clutching guinea pig drugs, a pipette and the bill, which had reached £372, I brought Snowy home, where she slept by the fire requiring fourhourly feeds. A week later she died in her sleep.

Another problem with guinea pigs is that they need to be around other guinea pigs. I had to buy more.

The cycle of death and replacement perpetuated for years.

Ginger bucked guinea pig trends and became the longest living one on record, needing a constant source of companions along with the hay, vegetables and vitamin C.

As luck would have it, one summer’s day I opened the hutch door to find all three had vanished. I explained gently to my daughter that the guinea pigs had obviously been taken by someone who wanted them very much and who would love them as much as we had.

Her tears dried and she got back to her Lego. I had been released from small pet responsibility.

A few weeks later there was a knock on the door. No one was there except for three shoe boxes complete with air holes and a letter.

Every guinea pig had been returned. My heart sank.

The note was from “the guinea pig borrowers”. They thanked me for the time they had spent with them but felt it was time for them to be returned. They were sorry.

The only thing I was sorry about was that they had been returned. Even the “guinea pig borrowers” realised that guinea pigs make rubbish pets.

I lugged them back to the hutch and continued to care for them until eventually I managed to convince a farmer friend that she really did want three guinea pigs.

Buying small fluffy pets for your child may seem a good idea.

It isn’t. The child will become negligent. Hutch cleaning will quickly become your responsibility and finding additional man hours and money is essential.

Recently I heard the German company BioMed Central, have found that guinea pigs are capable of solving and navigating a maze.

Wow, isn’t that great? The scientists say that guinea pigs are suitable for investigations of learning and memory. So these feral rodents have a tie-in with bigger science research.

In my opinion, that is all they are good for.