The first day at school is always a little daunting. Whether you’re four or, um, forty something walking into a classroom does take you out of your comfort zone a little. Of course, I have with me my trusty semi acoustic Fender rather than a satchel and Winnie the Pooh pencil-case, but the feelings are essentially the same.

I meet my teacher, Ross, and my two fellow pupils in our group. Elsewhere, there is another group of guitarists and further set-ups with drum and keyboard students. I wonder how anyone can get overly excited about these other instruments.

Since falling in love with the guitar at a fairly early age, I have always seen it as the coolest one by far. I would add that this relationship with the instrument has always been somewhat unrequited. I still remember getting an electric shock off my guitar amp when I had my first (unsuccessful) attempt at learning to play in my early twenties. I suppose it could have been as a result of some dodgy wiring, but I suspect a more sinister truth.

My first guitar hated me and saw the jolt as revenge for crimes against music. The culprit sat unused for a bit while my sense of touch slowly came back to me but our one-sided relationship never really recovered. Divorce swiftly followed and guitar and amp headed off for a new home.

With introductions out of the way, Ross sets about assessing my skills. My fellow students merrily plink and plonk away while I try to sort out the tuning of my errant G-string. Show me what chords you know, Ross beckons and I demonstrate a few of the obvious ones while a few others escape me. They all sound as if I’m wearing boxing gloves! First day nerves and all that.

The first real challenge is to learn Wild Thing. This is a new song for me to play. Luckily though, years of being brainwashed into listening to Jimmy Saville at Sunday lunchtime mean that I am familiar with arguably The Troggs’ finest tune. It seems straightforward enough when Ross steps me through it. A to D to E to D. Simples!

Anyway, I have some difficulty remembering the sequence and go happily from A to D to E for much of the 15 minutes we have to practice. My fellow students don’t seem to be unduly perturbed though and the nerves dissipate a little.

Next up is Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. Another new one to learn and not my favourite song, so it’s a steep learning curve through the chords and riff. Again I have a little difficulty in remembering a fairly simple chord sequence but it begins to sink in.

I am conscious of the tradition at Clive’s Easylearn Rock School to end with a full jamming session and, although I am beginning to thoroughly enjoy myself, this looms large like a thundercloud on the horizon. I feel I have already disrupted my classmates enough without ruining their end of session jam too.

The final song to learn is Tenacious D’s Wonderboy. I quickly recognise this from the tune I heard earlier from outside the door waiting for the earlier class to conclude. What do I know about power chords? asks Ross. I have some knowledge and quickly demonstrate how limited this is by playing my version of some power chords. For the uninitiated, it’s where you play only the top few strings to get a chunky, powerful feel. At least, that’s what they should sound like!

I pick up the general gist of the song and resolve to practice in the week before moving on at a breakneck pace to the Pentatonic Scale. What do I know about this? Um, nothing, I admit, and wait to be sent home or given detention. What I am given is a quick lesson on the scale and one of the many mysteries of music theory is unravelled. A quick tour of the scale with the occasional right notes and the whole class then assemble for the monster jam.

The butterflies start flying around in the stomach again as I brace myself for the impending train wreck.