Something More.

And, do you ever voice that?

I never used to; I do now, a very bad sign.

Sometimes, I take action; an even worse sign. Well, it depends on the action taken. If it includes swinging from roof-tops, crashing feet first into windows, hurling oneself onto a high-speed railway or the like, it could be classed as not being ‘a good thing’. On the other hand, if it is to do with fiddling a few electrical gadgets in order to restore heat to planet earth, it must be totally justified.

I get ‘this’ feeling. It involves the ‘more’ word. Maybe Oliver Twist summed it up appropriately, ‘Please, Sir, Can I have some more?’ More of what exactly?

My question lies with this …. How many presidents or prime ministers are there out there? Do you ever want to KICK START apathetic living a little? There’s too much laissez-faire going on out there. Or, maybe I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Or, maybe this inherent dissatisfaction lies a little bit closer to home, starting with oneself. Now, I am not dwelling on this due to the amazing fact, well, shock horror, actually that there is only a couple of months’ left of 2009. (SURREAL). Thus, I am not panicking over my New Year’s Resolutions being unfulfilled. (What were they?). I am thinking from a wider perspective. Often, one has particular ways of being that are ingrained, thought or behaviour patterns that deem impossible to alter. We are ‘victims’ to ourselves, wishing with all our might that we could do something different with our life e.g. be Tarzan/Jane, jumping from tree to tree in South America or actually, be a ‘better’ person.

The latter comment is one train of thought not to dwell on. You can nit-pick your deeper soul to the eightieth degree but genes are genes; hormones are hormones. Never try and be a better person, just be you. I once said (and often repeat) …. I AM NOT PERFECT. A really good friend confirmed this for me. And plenty of others, including my nearest and dearest will do the same.

But, there are aspects of life that are changeable. And those things do stem from human will. And today, I had a little epiphany. (I once had one in Caffe Nero at 8.00am). Anyway, I realized that I have been waiting for my dream to happen. I have been harking on about my invincible dream for many years now. Whilst singing my heart out, pedalling on a bike that doesn’t move (what is the purpose of spinning?), to Tiffany’s ‘I think that we’re alone now’ (Long live Stock, Aiken and Waterman), I’ve realized that my dream is lying in wait. It’s lying in front of me.

And all I’ve got to do is reach out, touch it and gather it in a bundle in my arms.

Now, if you’re set on winning the Lottery, think again. This probably won’t happen overnight. Nor becoming the next X Factor/American Pop Idol star. Sister no.2 bore witness to the latter during my early years, belting out cringe-worthy tunes. But, there are small things that are possible, if only one can allow oneself to believe in them. It is, undoubtedly, based upon attitude.

So, that’s what I am doing. I am shifting the compass points, altering the height of my stilettos and strutting down that cat-walk. Sure, it takes time. It’s taken me 21 years. I honestly thought that I was too old, too crumbly, too worn out to live it. But, I’ve realized that without that inspiration lying within, that I would ‘stop’ altogether. I’d ‘stop’ being the imperfect me.

Do your dream; it makes you you.