A GRIEVING mother has lost a year-long battle to be allowed to place an engraved urn on her 17-year-old son's grave.

Student Jamie Boxall died after crashing his beloved Mini at High Post a year ago yesterday.

Lisa Boxall's dearest wish was to have the urn - which features a 2in by 3in coloured engraving of the orange and black car on the side facing her son's gravestone - in place at Winterslow churchyard to mark the anniversary.

But she has been told it contravenes diocesan regulations governing permitted forms of decoration.

"This is so petty," said Mrs Boxall, 43. "It's not gaudy, and I can't believe you could find one person who would be offended by it.

"I can't seem to make people see how important this kind of thing is to families in our situation.

"It's just a little picture of the thing which meant most to our son. He had only been driving 11 days when the accident happened."

When Mrs Boxall first pursued the matter she was advised to wait, she said, because the rules, which are made by the Chancellor of the Diocese of Salisbury, were changing. But she has now had a letter telling her she will still not be able to display the urn on its plinth with the motif visible.

The vicar of Winterslow, the Rev Nils Bersweden, said: "I fully understand how Mrs Boxall must be feeling. I have every sympathy with her. But we do have guidelines to follow and we are not permitted to go outside them."

Mrs Boxall's distress, however, is not just for herself and her husband Alan. The couple, who live in Burcombe and run a car repair bodyshop, also have a daughter, Stevie-Louise, 20, and son Daniel, 17.

The urn has the words "Loving brother to Stevie and Daniel" on the front, facing the churchyard.

She explained: "The actual gravestone is absolutely conventional and just says Loving Son'. It doesn't mention my two other kids. With hindsight I should have had something on the stone from them, and they think so too, but at the time when a tragedy like this happens, you are so distressed you don't think it through."

Fuelling her sense of injustice is the fact that three gravestones in the churchyard do feature engraved pictures. One shows a dove, another sheaves of corn, and the third, a cockerel.

She said: "There are lots and lots of churches with big pictures of all sorts of things on graves, from musical instruments to motorbikes and animals. We are all supposed to worship the same God, so why can't we have one set of rules everywhere?"

Mrs Boxall explained that her son, who was studying IT and business studies at Totton College, grew up in Winterslow, which is why the family chose it for the burial of his ashes - a decision she is now beginning to regret.

"The Mini is what Jamie would have wanted to be remembered by," she said. "He'd have a little grin on his face if he could see it. He had a smile that lit up the room."

Diocesan registrar Andrew Johnson, who speaks for the Chancellor, said: "Memorials are very sensitive issues, and those directly concerned in such matters are often in a very distressed state.

"There are widely differing points of view about what is appropriate for country churchyards, and that is why an independent person is appointed to regulate these matters. It is important that nothing is placed in a churchyard which some people might consider incongruous. "

He went on: "The Chancellor's rules prohibit urns over burials of cremated remains, permitting only flat stones. One of the practical reasons for this is that a mower can pass over them.

"It is unfortunate that sometimes people have memorials made before they obtain permission to put them in place."