TWO years ago, when nothing was certain and the estranged husband and I parted we made the decision that he would be the primary carer for our son, the Grenade, then aged seven.

The reasons for this were two-fold. First, as a child with special education needs he urgently needed the continuity of education that boarding school was providing him and, secondly, as a boy he needed a positive and constructive relationship with his father, which was somewhat lacking due to the number of deployments the husband had undertaken.

Of course, there were rules.

In the military there are always rules; part of the essence of military life is learning to navigate them. As a keen sailor navigation is one of my fortes. I had to sign away all my legal rights to influence my son’s education and was only allowed 56 days a year sole access. I could see him as much as I liked if he was with his father, and so our unorthodox life began.

The best thing is that the ex and the Grenade now have a fantastic relationship.

The Continuity of Education Allowance (CEA allowance, also known as boarding school allowance) is much debated. Once you drink from the CEA cup you are tied in to the school of your choice for the duration of your child’s attendance.

There is no room for changing your mind and once you are committed then should you decide to withdraw your child early then you are liable to pay it all back. In hushed whispers among those inside it is also known as “the boarding school trap”.

But earlier this year, the MoD announced a boarding school amnesty and you can remove your child without being liable to pay back the fees.

And so the Grenade is coming back to live with me, and I am so excited.

The ex has moved into the officers’ mess but his room only has a single bed. Now when we were actually ‘just married’, as opposed to our current ‘just married’, our very first bed was a Warren Evans bed, so I phoned them up and gave them the ex’s tale of woe and they very generously donated a swanky new Verona double bed with matching side tables.

Everyone is happy. The ex is living in the officers’ mess, which is a bit like living in a hotel. I am jealous. I wonder if we could take it in turns.

Sometimes, I dream of living in a hotel.

  • Writer & journalist Clare Macnaughton latest book is available on Amazon worldwide. A Modern Military Mother – Tales from the Domestic Frontline is an honest account of decade of being married to an RAF officer serving in the British military.

Follow Clare on twitter: @amodmilitarymum Blog amodernmilitarymother.com